Big scoop coming from Stephen A. Smith today. Smith reported that Dan Gilbert is allegedly looking to sell the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Excuse me while I wind up a deep breath for this laugh.
HAHAHAHAHA OH YES HAHAHAHAHAH
This is the most Dan Gilbert thing in the history of Dan Gilbert. Seriously, you could not draw it up any better than this right scoop right here.
“Now, Seth. Why is this the most Dan Gilbert thing ever? He’s not the first person to sell a team… blah blah blah.”
I’ll tell you why. This is so Dan Gilbert that it hurts my face. Owners sell their professional sports franchises for a multitude of reasons. If you’re like Donald Sterling (formerly of the Clippers) or Jerry Richardson (Soon to be formerly of the Carolina Panthers) you sell your team because you are a bigot or a misogynist.
Then there are owners who are looking to bring on other big-time names so they spread out some ownership shares for new investors and they’re maybe looking to take a back seat but still collect a check.
Then there’s good old Dan Gilbert.
The same Dan Gilbert that wrote a goddamn e-mail to season ticket holders in comic sans saying that Cleveland was going to win a title without LeBron and that he essentially hoped LeBron drowned in the Miami riptides.
This could not be more of a reassurance to my blog earlier about how the Cavs stink… Now it’s so bad that their owner is literally saying “That’s gonna be a no from me, dog.” and trying to bounce.
During these trying times, most owners would… you know… get involved. Not Dan, though. You know why? Because I think LeBron has convinced Gilbert that he actually owns the team.
I envision this actual conversation happening at the Cavs HQ
Assistant: Hey boss, LeBron’s not happy and hates the entire team except D-Wade, everyone’s yelling at Kevin again in the locker room and Coach Lue is hiding under his desk until LeBron says it’s okay to resurface. You want to step in?
Dan Gilbert: Honestly Todd I don’t. I’m gonna go grab a pack of cigarettes from Sheetz and I promise I’ll be back… Don’t call my phone.
*Team gets sold* —– AND SCENE
This is so much fun. It could all be a crock of shit… but let’s be honest. It’s not.