Super Bowl Snack life. It’s the life for you, me, and everyone in between.
Honestly, it’s ironic for me. I’m big as a goddamn house and your boy loves to eat… but whenever the Patriots are playing in the Super Bowl I have such a nervous pit in my stomach that I don’t shove food into my face at the rate I usually do.
Still, Super Bowl snacks are key to any big game party. If you’re trying to show that you’re the entertainer of the year in your friend group so you can finally stick it to the ones who think they know everything… You better bring your A game.
I saw this tweet and sat on it until today because I feel like the Saturday before the Super Bowl is a good time to really go out and shop for your snacks.
Now, I’m obviously no psychic here but I’m going to play one anyway. Based on the way this chart looks, you have to pick one from each category. This is very difficult, I know. Some people might not even be up to the challenge of deciding…
I am. Let’s ride.
You’ve got your standard choices right out of the gate for the dip. There aren’t many curveballs here.
Spinach artichoke dip is good, but that just doesn’t feel very Super Bowl to me. This dip just screams “Come to my dinner party in this newly gentrified part of Southie!” … That’s not to say it isn’t delicious because it is, it’s just not my go-to for the opening act of my Super Bowl snack roster.
Queso and “Chicken wing dip” don’t really fit the mold for me either. If “chicken wing dip” was buffalo chicken dip then it’s a different story and if they mean the same thing then that’s on the person who made this graphic like an idiot. Chicken wing dip doesn’t make the cut.
Queso is tough because I love it. I’m a huge queso guy (Believe me we’ve noticed)… You know what I hate about queso though? I get it all of my goddamn self if the consistency is off. Then you just keep dipping and dipping and all of the sudden you just smell like melted cheese the entire day.
The Pick: Guacamole
Have you ever had really good guacamole? It’s life-changing. There are so many variations of guac but when you find a great recipe it’s game over when it comes to the dip. Pair that with some quality tortilla chips and BINGO.
Plus, guac is one of those dips where you feel healthier eating it. Avocados, super food.
Again whoever made this graphic should be fired for putting the choice of chips and pizza in the same “carb” category. That is some kind of psychopath over at NBC.
Chips are eliminated and if you fail to see why then I cannot help you or your existence. Moving on.
I’m not going with the soft pretzels for a variety of reasons. Soft pretzels are a Philly thing, so there’s that. Also, I just can’t imagine bringing out a tray of soft pretzels and people getting jazzed up for that at a Super Bowl party. I love soft pretzels but the environment is EVERYTHING when it comes to them. If you’re at a ball game? Go nuts. Maybe you got dragged to the zoo? Soft pretzel can get you through it.
Super Bowl snack roster? Absolutely not.
That leaves pizza and potato skins. These are two very different “carbs” because one qualifies as a meal type or main option and one is really meant for the appetizer life. Obviously, if you have a fire pizza place near you I can’t fault you for going with pizza. I go against the grain.
The Pick: Potato Skins
Good potato skins? Sign me up. Sour cream all over that monster and I’ll be happy with my choice. It’s easy for me to pick the skins here because look at the following categories. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
This is the toughest category by far. It’s hard to go wrong here. Obviously, I make this decision based on my lineup so far.
I’m actually NOT going to go wings here because I went with potato skins last round. I know this could be a travesty to many but to me, I think it’s the alright play. If I went pizza last round, I have no problem taking wings here.
I’m a Patriots fan though, I love COMPLEMENTARY football/snacking.
Plus with wings, I think we’re so spoiled with places like Buffalo Wild Wings flavors that it’s gotta be garlic parmesan or bust and not just plain buffalo wings. You can’t please everyone with that choice, so I gotta leave it out.
Sliders are too small and cause me to eat 40 of them to make it seem like I got my worth. Sliders are the cupcakes of burgers and unless it’s coming from a place like Cupcake Charlies… Meh.
Ribs are a dangerous game. Your fingers are destined for the sticky barbecue life and you’re most likely going to get sauce on your shirt. When you’re trying to tweet about that hilarious commercial your phone screen is going to look like a toddler was playing games on it from a booth at Outback Steakhouse.
The Pick: Pulled Pork
Pulled pork is so solid for me. Pulled pork has never really let me down. Is there a mess factor? Sure.
Still, you have rolls to help with the matter. You have a bread delivery system, unlike ribs. Plus good pulled pork can also change your life.
INTERESTING round right here, folks.
I’m sticking with my complementary mindset and eliminating nachos and tacos. Guac has that section covered with good tortilla chips so I don’t want it to be overkill. I love both of them but I’m trying to put together a roster here.
It comes down to pigs in a blanket and mozzarella sticks.
Now for those who don’t know me, mozzarella sticks are my favorite food… I know it’s weird but I LOVE the mozz sticks. People call it a poor people appetizer and to that, I say “I never want to be rich” … Kidding, I’m broke.
Regardless of my love for mozzarella sticks, this is the upset.
The Pick: Pigs in a Blanket
Pigs in a blanket are so high quality it hurts my face. You can throw an entire plate of these on the table and they’re going to be gone QUICK.
Put different condiments on the platter to dip in and you’ve knocked it out of the park with these.
That’s my roster and I’m sticking to it. Whatever I eat I’ll end up feeling nauseous about during the game. Here we go!